Today's Song - You Gotta Be by Des'Ree

This is for you all who's been trying to be strong to get through tough times, like I have been. You are not alone, and I am not alone....



It feels like everyone around me, my friends, my colleagues, my relatives, etc., told me I have to be strong, the strongest as the oldest daughter for my family. I know that, I really know that, but it's been hard.

I suffer, too, as much as the rest of my family members do, and it's just geography that they were closer to my brother-in-law. I've been close to him with all my heart and soul, and I am hurt, from his death, as much as my sister does, my mother does, my father does, my brother does, and his parents, bother sisters, and the rest of his relatives do.

Until today, I couldn't say that out loud how hard I tried and how tired I had been from trying that hard, to be the strongest in the family. But I did, finally, confess my all feelings and thoughts, to my love in Canada. I couldn't hold it anymore. Thank you, L., for listening to me and giving me the strength I need to get through this...

Life for other people goes on, I know. It goes on with my family being left behind. For us, the world stopped when my brother-in-law Toshiyuki died on May 12. Things never be the same for us - He doesn't sit at a dinner table with us anymore. He doesn't give my sister good-night kisses; he doesn't give a happy smile to my mother as he enjoyed her meals; he doesn't go digging dirts and plant vegetables with my father; he doesn't hang out and listen to my brother's whining about his job; he doesn't, he doesn't he doesn't do things with us anymore.

Hope for the day for us life gets back to normal to come. I just hope my family gather together at a dinner table, to talk about how our day went, to laugh so hard over small stuff. I just hope my family will have just one day of no crying. For that day to come, I would do anything. I would have to be strong, stronger than ever.

Please God, give me the strength to be the sunshine of my family. I want to to lift their spirits up and bring them joy and happiness. I just want to remind them there are so much beauty in life.