Cooking For One

Last year, on this very day, I was cooking for my 40-something boyhfriend who demanded I should cook for Christmas. "Young girls in this country would cook for their boyfriends," he said. Having been so obsessed with the idea that I must marry someone (or anyone) soon, I thought, if I cook for my boyfriend, he would see a good wife-figure in me and marry me. Though I hated so much cooking on a Christmas day (because I'd never ever!), I went to grocery shopping and spent a few hours cooking Italian/French/Japanese fusion foods, hoping to impress him with my Christmas dishes.

My boyfriend seemed very happy with my cooking skills (and/or the fact that I finally behaved like a good Japanese girl, obeying her master). But our happiness didn't last for so long. A few months later we were facing one ugly breakup. We were not fighting face to face. Insteasd, we exchanged mean e-mails back and forth and ended up leaving deep scars on both of us. Last words he left me was, I was too "Westernized." And well, I thought, he was too "Japanese" for me.

Today, one year later, I am cooking once again, but this time, I am cooking for myself. I am inviting no one to my Christmas dinner but myself. It reminds me how much I love cooking (when no one is demending to do so). Everything about cooking, I love! It's like meditation. It makes me calm and centered. Man, I should do more cooking!!