DEDICATED TO MY FIRST LOVE

To my first love,

It's been almost 5 years since you were gone.
And now I am finally able to think of you without crying.
I happen, sometimes, to recall the day we last sat down and talked.
Do you remember that day, too?

It was a bright sunny day in the summer of 1995,
as I came back from the U.S. for the summer break of three months.
I don’t really remember who asked whom, but we got together for lunch, anyway.

Was that the Italian we had?
We talked about what was happening in our lives at that time, didn't we?

And all of sudden you started talking about one of the weirdest dreams you had ever had.
That was definitely not a kind of thing you usually talked, and I was stunned.
“You know what? I don’t think dying is painful,” you said.
“I think I've had a near death experience, and I now know what it’d be like to be dying,”
you sounded so confident.
“Last night in my dream I've been very close to the gate of heaven.
It was like my body became transparent, got very light, and shining.
There was this bright light like sunshine ahead of me waiting to suck me into it.
As my non-weight clear body got almost completely absorbedinto that strong light,
I understood the whole thing. And I feared nothing!
I was perfectly OK with that situation even though I was physically suffering.
No matter how hard I tried, no air was coming into my lungs.
My heartbeat got slower and weaker. Yet like I said, I feared nothing.
At that moment I was completely ready to accept the fact that I was dying.
I was so calm. So that's it I guess. That's how it works.''

Before and after this story, we must have talked about other stuff, too.
But this one obviously struck me the most.
That's why I still remember it now vividly and clearly as if it had happened yesterday.

I often wonder if this was what happened to you in that car accident.
Was that what happened?
I wish you could tell me you hadn't suffered much and gone peacefully.

For every smiles and kisses you'd given me,
for every arguments we'd had,
for every songs we'd sung together,
for every letters we'd exchanged,
for every joy and pain we shared,
for good and bad things we'd taught each other, and
for all other things we'd been through together, I'm so thankful.

All those memories of you I have in mind, I will take to my grave.
I miss you so much and hope to see you soon.